There is an exhaustion like I’ve never experienced in motherhood. Crying, fighting, picky eating, pee on the ground in front of the toilet (but not in it), and mismatched mittens as we scurry out the door to preschool flood my attention and spill over my emotions, pushing me to the brink and beyond what I think I can give. 

Yet, I never have wanted back the time before all of this—my singlehood, what some call “freedom.” 

It may sound strange—not to want to be almost stress- and worry-free. But this vocation is what he gifted to me, and I desire to say, “Yes, Lord. I receive it.” It may be very hard to do, but he gives everything necessary.  

Within motherhood, he provides me with intimate moments that lift me up, helping me to persevere in making sacrifices of love. These personal glimpses point me toward the everlasting and make my heart ache with the truths they express. 

On the beach of Lake Michigan stands a pirate ship-shaped playground. My three daughters were climbing up and sliding down it, “saving people from sharks,” giggling, and shouting gleefully. The sun’s setting rays were shining through fall’s leaf-ridden trees, landing on these three princesses of Heaven, illuminating them with a warm spotlight.  

As my fourteen-month, downy-haired daughter toddled over to the ship, I caught, for a brief, breath-taking moment, the image of myself, my daughterhood with God, so sweet, tender, small, and loved in his eyes. Watery-eyed joy blurred my vision, and the sweetness of this truth rooted itself more deeply into my heart, filling my soul with peace, love, and joy.  

This is a moment that I wish could last forever, and I imagine that being in his presence in Heaven will be like this experience—AND it will last forever. 

Through motherhood, God has shown me how he sees me as his precious daughter. The windows into Heaven that he provides are invaluable to me and bolster my hope in what is to come. They fortify me for another day of sacrificial love and fill me with a desire to open the door for my daughters to see who they were truly created to be.