The Gospel of John, Chapter 6, speaks to me of faith and trust. Jesus shockingly invites his followers to eat his flesh in order to attain eternal life. 

The majority of them leave. 

I don’t know why, but I had always thought that the apostles who stayed were convicted that the invitation that Jesus had extended to them was good and beautiful. Imagine my surprise when meditating upon Jesus’ question. He asks his apostles why they haven’t left. They don’t respond, “Because we understand the mystery of eating your flesh”—or anything like that. Instead, Peter says “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.“ 

In other words, when Jesus invites his apostles to something hard and confusing, they do not pretend to understand why or how they will accept this invitation. They know, though, that they have no choice but to accept it, because they know that Jesus is their life.

So many times as a mother, I have been invited to hard and confusing things by the circumstances that God allows in my life. I have raised three children in foreign missions as a single mother. I have accompanied my children through darkness and heartbreak. I daily care for a child with an incurable chronic illness. 

None of these invitations makes sense to me. And yet Jesus tenderly calls me to follow him in the midst of hardship and confusion. And I do follow him. Not because I understand what he is doing right now, but because I know that I don’t want to be anywhere but with him. 

To whom shall I go? You, my beloved Jesus, have the words of eternal life.