Seventeen years into parenting, I have heard them all: “I finished my homework.” “My room is clean.” “I folded my laundry and put it away.” “I don’t know who ate the chocolate.” “I did not tie up the dog like a bandit.” “I am not sure how that window pane broke.” “I’m not sure what I got on the history test; I don’t think the teacher returned the tests yet.” “We don’t have summer reading this year. The school policy changed.” “Everyone wears these ripped jeans.” “All my friends are allowed to see that movie.”
But yesterday, I heard the best lie – the one that will be the crowning jewel of my reign as a mother.
My four-year-old was on the toilet, ready for me to wipe his little tushy. “Mommy! I’m pphrew!” he crooned with a truncated set of consonants and a raspy voice. I entered the bathroom, and he leaned over and assumed wiping position.
I noticed water drops near the toilet.
“Do you know where this water came from?” I asked him. He was silent.
I noticed more drops on the trash can. “Hmm, that’s odd,” I thought, noting the trash can was too far from the sink and towels to be from hand washing.
“Strange! Drops over here too!” I muttered as I stooped down to wipe them up with tissue paper. He remained silent.
As I washed my hands, he bolted out of the bathroom. I found him a moment later changing his pants and underwear. Ah, I see. Definitely an accident.
And then, without any prompting, he announced: “Mommy, do you know where those water drops came from? Tears of joy. . .because I love you sooooooo much! You are the best mom ever, and I will love you until the day I die.”
Tears of joy?! Really?! How did he come up with that? Where has he even heard such an expression? And tears of joy because he loves me so much?!
I do not know what kind of a romance king it takes to conjure up that one. All I have to say is, I must be the luckiest mom in the world to have a little child, who has already produced such an outstanding accomplishment – the best lie I’ve ever heard.