Over the last thirteen years, I’ve had countless opportunities to send my children out of our home for one activity or event or another. I have now raised half of my children into adulthood—the other half are very close to arriving there. It has only been in the last few years that I have begun to tell them to “Make good decisions!” as they head out the door. My older kids were sent off with “Have fun” or “Be safe,” but I never felt that either was adequate or entirely appropriate. One phrase emphasizes license as the guiding principle for their decision-making; the other emphasizes fear of some sort of suffering as the guiding factor. Neither one of these really sent my kids off to engage their freedom in the world in a way that adequately directed them to what their freedom was for. Nor did those admonitions direct them to make decisions that would move them closer to the good. But “make good decisions” has a host of implications and demands in one phrase.

To make good decisions, there must be something that makes the decision good. They have to think about what good they are aiming towards, giving context to what it means to achieve that good. It highlights their freedom and, therefore, responsibility for their choices. It suggests that they think before they act—something teens are notoriously unlikely to do at times.

Being reminded to make good decisions indicates that, as their mother, I have faith in their ability to know what the good decision is, that they are capable of making good decisions, and that they have the freedom to make decisions. It recalls that the quality of their character is a result of their free choices.

The world they head out into is filled with so many enticing, charming, tempting options, but being reminded to make a good decision directs their thinking to the things beyond the immediately available desirable thing.

While this directive from me is not at all foolproof, the reminder that they are free to choose the good thing in any given circumstance can help them stop and think as they move through their adolescent years. And it’s always good to have mom’s voice echoing in their minds when the voices of the world are so loud and demanding.

The voices that echo in my mind from those that formed me inform much of what I say and do as their mom: “All that matters in the end is that you make it to heaven.” “Did you backwards-plan?” The first quote is from my dad, the second from my sister, and both quotes sounded clearly and loudly in my head at the funeral of my brother just a few short months ago.

All three of these dear people are no longer with us, but I realized at my brother’s funeral that their lives and their wise words have helped to give vocabulary and content to the moral formation I give to my children. All three of my beloved family members had a context in which they were living their lives. Heaven was their aim; it was the only thing that mattered. Backwards-planning meant that they knew where they wanted to go, which also meant that they considered the way to get there. May we all follow their example, live for heaven, and encourage our children to make good decisions on their way to their heavenly home.