One of my weekly rituals is writing out the master calendar for the week on the dry erase board in the kitchen. It is the grand plan of who needs to be where at what time, what they need to have with them, and who I need to remember to call because it’s their birthday. As I sat working on the calendar this afternoon and was looking at each day packed full, I remembered my Lenten resolution of trying to spend more time in adoration and reading my Bible during the week. With the sinking feeling that is all too familiar at this point in Lent, I realized how little I had been paying attention to these resolutions during a chaotic time of transition in our family. With both of our boys starting in a new, special-ed school a couple weeks ago and our daughter in a classical farm school two days a week, there is a lot of driving and not a lot of free time. Trying to adjust to this new schedule has left me behind on many deadlines.
It has been a crazy Lent for my family, and in the midst of it all, I have abandoned my lovely Lenten resolutions—the keeping of which would have helped me cope with all the chaos. I recall the last time I was in adoration. My daughter and I dropped in for a few minutes on our way from a morning of homeschooling to pick up the boys at their new school. Sitting there in the quiet, my mind was racing with all that needed to get done the rest of the day rather than on prayer. I caught myself and realized what a difficult time I was having just to stay focused on our Lord. When I tried and failed to keep my mind focused, I simply started repeating, “Jesus I need you, Jesus I need you.” That seemed to quiet my mind, and that’s how I spent the remainder of my time in church.
Now, sitting and staring at my full calendar for the week, I find these words coming back to me. How much more necessary it is to remember my need for Jesus in the midst of the challenge of putting together our schedule!
Jesus, it is weeks like this that I need you more than ever. When I think I am too busy for you and that I can do all that is before me, I know in my heart that it is not true. I can’t do the least little bit without your assistance. Help me drive this crazy train of ours. Help me to remember that you are sitting right along with me, and that you are eager to help—if I would only ask.