Each one of us has experienced suffering in our lives. As a wife, mother, and now grandmother, I can readily relate to sufferings that have been a very real part of my life. And yet, as I look back on these times, in retrospect, I can say that they have strengthened my faith walk. In the moment, the suffering seems hopeless and devastating. I hold my breath and cannot seem to function. It seems as if God has left me alone, and I simply must bear the pain, put my head down, and just move on. 

The most difficult part for me is to watch those I love most suffer. I find that the prayers that are said, the sacrifices offered, and the hope that God will intervene are the focus of my prayer. I often wonder if, how, and when God’s providence will be revealed. I turn again and again to him in prayer—day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. When there seems to be no answer, I wonder if God is even listening. I also wonder if I am asking for the wrong outcome and if that’s the reason my prayers seem fruitless. Am I not hearing God? Am I not trusting his providential plan in this? 

Then he speaks to my troubled heart, “If you did not have this suffering, would you come to me as often as you do now?” Jesus tells his disciples who question him about the affliction of the blind man that it is so that the works of God may be made visible (Jn 9:3). We also read that man sees the appearances, but God looks into the heart (1 Sam 16:7). He sees my heart, and he sees the hearts of those I pray for. 

My prayer has evolved into “You know my heart, Lord. Your will be done, and please give me the grace to live in your will.” His answer to me is that we must live as children of the light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth (Eph 5:8-9). This is the promise I am embracing in the moment he has given me. In his providence, the graces are always as available to me as the air I breathe. My call is to act on these graces and to live in the promise of his providence.