My grandmother, husband, and I often quote back and forth to each other, “Gratitude changes everything.” We’ve been doing this for years, ever since we got married and first spent the better part of the day sitting in my grandma’s living room visiting with her. Naturally, we talked about family, and she told of her brothers who had hemophilia, of my grandpa who had passed away two years prior; and my husband talked of his thirteen siblings and his mother who had passed away five years prior. They both talked about grief, and they talked about the joy and hope that comes only through suffering – and by looking through God’s eyes. Gratitude changes everything. What is gratitude, but to look at the crosses we are given, and to try to see through God’s eyes the good, small things that he continually places in our paths? 

I don’t mean that gratitude in our suffering is an easy thing to do. At times, it is almost impossible to feel grateful. Shortly after this first “Gratitude changes everything” conversation we had, my husband and I were given custody of my oldest children, my father-in law-eventually went to prison, and it seemed like the whole of the world we were a part of was in upheaval. It was impossible to know what was going to happen next. It was two years of terrible suffering for my husband, myself, our oldest girls, and our entire families on both sides. Grandma would often remind us to look for the good, to be grateful. 

I am sure that gratitude did change everything for us. It changed the perspective of our hearts, and by looking for the good that God was sending in the midst of heartache, we saw hope. 

Now those years are, praise be to God, behind us. But we still find ourselves reminding each other to look to God and to be grateful. 

Our oldest girls are teens now, and my goodness, these years are just so emotional! When the doors are slammed for the millionth time, and angry feet storm across the house, while yelling is heard about the unfairness of homework, not getting to watch a movie – you name it – I want to tell them how totally unreasonable and ridiculous they’re being. But internally, my initial response is usually something closer to despair: “How will these kids we’re trying so hard to raise be able to make good, prudent decisions in just four and five years when we send them off to college if they can’t even handle brushing their hair without a huge fit? Our family is going to be torn apart! We will only be together as a whole family for the next four years, so I better just make sure that everything is as perfect as possible during these years!”

Such is my inner monologue as I watch my two oldest growing through their teen years and into adulthood. But then again, here are my grandmother and my husband reminding me, “Gratitude changes everything.” So, as we walk through the stormy sea of teens, I am working once again on keeping the perspective of gratitude foremost in my mind. Gratitude that these lovely young ladies are mine to raise through God’s perfect providence! Gratitude that we get to help form them, have the hard conversations, get to take them shopping, watch them play with their little siblings, get to be the ones to hold them when they’re at their weakest and when their hearts are breaking. There are so many things to be grateful for. And with gratitude, hope shines through, that all is not for naught. And, once I shift my perspective, the joy and hope that come through suffering fill our family and my heart once more.