Recently, a dear friend of mine lost her oldest child and only son at the age of forty-two. Needless to say, she was completely devastated. Her son had been a high school classmate of my oldest daughter, so I know the family well.
My husband and I had lost our middle daughter in 2015 at the age of thirty, making us intimately familiar with what that type of loss brings. Among many things, it fills you with devastation, anguish, and actual heartache. Yes, your heart actually aches. You feel you will never be whole again. And, for the most part, you won’t. A real part of you has left this world – this life with your loved one. I have been communicating with my friend about all of this and share some of that here in the hope it could help someone else who is going through a similar loss.
When we lost our Jessica, we couldn’t think straight or function in any way we needed to, especially in the beginning. Blessedly, God sent our children, their families and many, many friends to help us. That is the key. God is there. We asked for what we needed, but even if we couldn’t think straight enough to know what we needed, God knew. And he provided. As time went on, we kept God in the forefront of our thoughts. He heard us, and he was our guide.
In the very beginning, God led me to cling to his Mother, Mary. I hadn’t really formulated a plan to do this, but cling I did. All I could think of during those first weeks was, “If Mary could stay with her Son at the foot of the cross, then I could endure this anguish.” From then on, I would stand with her at the cross. Clinging to her got me through. Once the initial shock had passed, God helped me to establish a daily routine of praying for our daughter and asking her to pray for us. I continue with this prayer commitment to this day. It is comforting to know we have a connection with our daughter through prayer. I also thank God and Mary every day for watching over her when I cannot. God has helped me in so many ways over this past decade, and I rely on him to continue.
These things I have been able to share with my friend, and we will continue to meet together, as God has put us in each other’s path again – to help, to comfort, to love. We have lost a piece of our hearts, but we know that our grief is because of the love we have for our children, and it will be with us always, until we meet again.
A few years ago, I started a grief group at our parish, called Unfailing Love. We took this name from our opening prayer, “In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” (Psalm 33:21-22)
As parents who grieve, or who have lost a loved one, we DO put our hope in him, because he IS unfailing love.
We lost our daughter, Jessica to suicide 13 years ago. Had it not been for the outpouring of love from our church, friends and family, we would not have survived the grief. We still battle with sadness and disappointment in our grief journey, but we have confidence that God was with us then, and will continue to be with us, until we are reunited. Love transcends time and death. God does indeed put our tears in a bottle and accounts for our suffering.
Bless you in your grief project.
What a beautiful testimony of how loss leads us closer to God.
Thank you for your words of hope and healing. I lost my 34 year old son in 2021. Your words echo my experience. My heart still hurts, but in some ways the pain is comforting it reminds me our love connects us forever.
My heart and prayers are with each of you who have lost someone dear to you. It’s been nearly ten years for Joe and I and we still, and probably always will, struggle daily. I cherish that grief though, because I know it’s the love we have for Jessica. Somewhere along this journey God sent this prayer to my heart and I use it many, many times each day when things are tough. It has helped me, I hope it can help someone else.
Jesus I love you. Jesus I need you. Jesus show me your way. Jesus I trust in you. Amen.